


Because I Love You

by MarvelousAndProud



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock - Fandom, Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: "not gay", Cuddling, Drunk snogging, Fluff and Angst, John is Perfect, Johnlock Fluff, M/M, Post-Reichenbach, Pre-Reichenbach, Sherlock in Love, Sherlock is perfect, Sherlock steals John's jumper, cuteness, happy feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-29 19:20:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3907633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarvelousAndProud/pseuds/MarvelousAndProud
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After two years Sherlock Holmes has come back from the dead. He thinks about how much John meant to him and still does. It's time. He is going to tell him. He should have said it a long time ago. </p>
<p>Fluffy cute fluff with a twist ending</p>
            </blockquote>





	Because I Love You

Before I took the fall. Before I lost it all to save you, I remember how it was between us. The sideways glances when we thought the other wasn't looking. The moments when our eyes met; I saw a little spark in your eyes and felt a flutter in my heart.

Those mornings when you thought you looked terrible, your hair strewn about and your clothes a rumpled mess. Yes John. Even those days you'd take my breath away.

How you always remembered to use my favourite mug after offering to make me tea after a troublesome day. The accidental and not-so-accidental brushes of our fingers as you handed me my mug. How you would linger a bit longer till I took a sip, to make sure you had made it just right. You always did. You always remembered little things like how to make my tea perfectly every time.

The time I had to miss out on a case because I was bed-ridden with the flu. It was nice to have a doctor take care of me. I remember the initial look of annoyance on your face when you walked in and I was wearing your favourite jumper and slurping at the soup you made me. The look vanished quickly when I said it was warm and made me feel better. How you pressed your lips to my forehead to feel for a fever better. The blush that spread across your features when I asked if you treated all your patients like that. How you stormed out flustered when I smirked and commented at how lovely a bit of blush looks on your face. How you came back after I complained and laid with me till I finally finished my soup and agreed to get some rest.

That week when you had a hectic time at work and were so sleep deprived that when you did finally fall asleep you had terrifying nightmares. How you were embarrassed to tell me that as a grown man you were waking up shaking in a cold sweat. When I heard you cry out and hurried to your side you didn't push me away or tell me it was nothing. You were honest with me and didn't argue when I insisted on staying the night in your bed. How you huddled up to me when I complained that my side of the bed was like a frozen tundra. How you didn't pull away when I pressed my icy toes to yours to steal your warmth. How you slept soundly with your head on my chest and my fingers carding through your blond hair. How we refused to speak about it the next morning because you're "not gay" and I'm "married to my work". And yet. How you snuck into my room every night until the nightmares stopped.

When we both had too much to drink at the ridiculous Christmas party at Scotland Yard that you made me go to. How we ended up snogging under the mistletoe and again wouldn't talk about it the next day even though Lestrade got a picture on his camera phone of the act. How we decided to walk home being too cheap to take a cab or to enjoy each other's company longer. The lovely blush that crept across your cheeks as I wrapped my scarf around your neck when you complained about the snow getting down your collar. How you drunkenly remarked that your lips were cold too and I quickly fixed the problem. I could taste the alcohol on your lips, so soft against my own. We didn't talk about that either the next day because you couldn't remember most of the previous night and you call me the lousy drinker. I remembered it though. Every second of it. That was the best Christmas I've had.

I remember all of that in addition to many more happy memories of the two of us. I have a limited amount of room in my head for information. I have deleted many things in my life. I have never deleted one thing pertaining to you John. I remember. Even though I never said it; I remember because I love you.

I remembered all these memories. Some of the best of my life as I stood outside the restaurant where you sat across the table from a blonde woman. Even through the pane of glass of the window I could see the silly moustache that adorned your lip. It had been two years. Two very long years without you by my side. It was time to finally do it. To say those three simple words. I put my hand up to the window and got a better look at you. You were smiling. You were happy. I saw your eyes light up when the woman across from you spoke. How you looked at her with the same adoration you always tried to hide when you used to look at me. Who was I to barge in on that moment. I had been dead in your eyes for two years now and yet there you were. Who was I to take away that happiness with confusion. I saw you dig around your pockets with a flustered look on your face as you thought you'd lost something. My hand slipped from the glass to my side when you pulled out a small black box and dropped down to one knee. I walked away. Not because I didn't want to see if she said yes or not. I knew she would. Anyone would be the luckiest person on earth to spend the rest of their life with you. I walked away because staying would have been painful for both of us. I could never hurt you again. I walked away so that you could be happy with your blonde. I walked away because I love you.

I did say three simple words that night. I said them softly to myself as I walked away. Goodbye John Watson.


End file.
